Common Caregiving Myths

Dispelling Caregiving Myths
Caregiving is an emotional subject which is likely the reason so many myths surround it. This article focuses on dispelling some of these caregiving myths. It’s a must-read for anyone currently involved in caregiving including those who are considering hiring or perhaps even becoming a caregiver. Below are some common myths related to caregiving:
Caregiving is a negative experience
For some, this is true. There are a number of reasons why a caregiver/care receiver relationship doesn’t work out. However for the majority of people, caregiving is a rewarding experience. Caring for another is a wonderful way to feel important and it’s a way to make a positive difference in another’s life. A sense of companionship, mutual respect, and self-worth are some of the benefits caregivers receive. For many, caring for others fills a void in their lives.
Adult children no longer provide care for aging parents at home
While stories of adult children abandoning their aging parents make for interesting reading, this is just not true. What is true is that families live further apart from one another than ever before and that situation sometimes presents caregiving challenges. But adult children are not abandoning their parents. Advances in communication make it easy for adult children and aging parents to stay in regular contact and improvements in transportation make it easy to be together whenever necessary. With services such as Comfort Keepers available, quality care is easily available to those who require someone "on location" that can help with care.
Stress and excessive demands increase instances of elder abuse
Unfortunately this is true. However, it’s also true that excessive stress caused by any type of work can trigger unforeseen outbursts towards objects or others. Interestingly, instances of elder abuse at the hands of a caregiver are higher in families where there is a history of abuse or alcoholism. Aging parents feel guilt for the pain they caused their children in the past. Because of this, they find themselves accepting abusive treatment from other family members who are now in charge of their care.
Most caregivers have a plan in place before the need arises
Not true. If you don’t yet have a caregiving plan, you’re definitely not alone. Most adult children do not tackle this issue until they are forced, meaning it doesn’t usually happen until a parent becomes ill, starts showing signs of the onset of age-related conditions such as dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, or until one aging parent dies and the other has trouble resuming life after the death of his or her spouse.
Caregiver resources are insufficient
This is not true. Caregiver resources are fragmented and sometimes difficult to comprehend and even access. But they’re out there. New legislation regarding caregiving and care receiving is constantly being introduced and approved. Finding caregiving resources to which you are entitled takes patience and determination, but they’re far from insufficient.
Different cultures don’t require different approaches to caregiving
Definitely false. Cultural beliefs and differences will vary the approach to caregiving and they should not be ignored. Today’s elderly place more importance on culture than do their children therefore those providing care must be sensitive to the fact that cultural differences do exist. For more information go to: http://www.comfortkeepers.com/

Co-dependency, guilt, shame, loss and other emotions that erupt when taking care of an elderly loved one

The process of taking care of an elderly loved one usually starts out slow like any relationship. Even if its your mother and you have a relationship the beginning of the caretaking process is a new chapter in your lives that you are starting that you have not experienced before.
It usually starts out slow with you noticing mom struggling either physically or cognitively with daily things such as paying bills, missing meals, not cleaning the house, maybe an illness comes upon the person that slows him or her down and so on. At that time you usually start to collect your data about what is going on and you begin to address the needs as they come up. The needs are often minimal, do not require much of your time and frankly you like doing it because you want to help your loved one.
Then one day the caregiving begins to take on a life of its own. Usually the caregiver first notices it during the time of a crisis. The elderly loved one falls or goes into hospital for surgery, maybe has very bad flu or pneumonia at home and gets weak. The caregiver starts to go over the home more, be attentive to the person’s needs and finds that the caregiving becomes overwhelming at times trying to balance helping the elderly person and taking care of his or her own family.
The crisis time is overwhelming and it is the first realization of what full time caregiving is, but the caregiver knows that the crisis will end, the elderly person will go back to his or her level of functioning and everyone’s life goes back to normal.
But what is normal? Normal is that sense of reality that we live everyday. If I am single than normal to me is having a date, eating alone or going out with friend. Normal for married life is having dinner with spouse and life together. In other words normal is the reality in which we live. For caregivers, normal can be going over to mom’s one time a week to pay bills, get her groceries, etc. When a crisis hits, normal changes but when the crisis is over our expectation is we will go back to normal.
But what happens over time when normal starts to change? It happens to all of us. Again if I am single and normal is a date or dinner with a friend but then I get married normal then changes. If I start taking care of mom and I go one time of week and that is normal but a stroke happens and mom is now paralyzed on one side, my normal has now just permanently changed.
What caregivers don’t realize is that they never really adjust to normal after the crisis. When you are single and you get married, you end up adjusting to this new life where you are now partnered with someone and the expectation is you will do things together, help each other maybe raise kids together. We go into that with wonderful and hopeful expectations that our feelings will be positive. No one goes into caregiving for an elderly person with the expectation that we will do things together - as a result of the caregiving, no one goes into the caregiving relationship with the expectation that we will partnered, joined at the hip, enjoying this new found time we have together. Now please don’t hear this wrong. You may have a wonderful relationship with an elderly loved one and yes, you may feel that caregiving gives you that extra time to spend with that person that you might not have had. I am not talking about that.
I am talking about the relationaship between a caregiver who starts out with good intentions of helping and ending up in a very challenging dysfunctional marriage to their elderly loved one. See over time the relationship that started out as me feeling good cause I could come once a week to pay bills turns into mom calling me and asking why I can’t come over that day. The normal feelings that I have experience of going over when I planned or can turns into a dependency that gets ugly and stirs up alot of old feelings, resentments and other such history between us.
For example, a mother who had a rocky relationship with daughter can be at first thankful that the daughter helps out. But as soon as the aging process takes over, the brain starts changing, maybe a memory impairment starts, that same mother can turn hostile and demanding often exhibiting old behaviors of being demanding and controlling on her children that they rebelled against as kids. The children who are now the caregivers start reacting to her behavior, the same way they did as children. This starts a boatload of feelings in the caregiver that they sometimes cannot express because they realize it does no good. Mom is always right, she will just deny it, she always has. So a new caregiving relationship that started out one time a week with the caregiver feeling okay or good about hellping out now starts to turn to dysfunction. What was once normal is now a new normal. What was once feelings of okay, maybe positive during that weekly visit is now dread. Is she going to make me feel guilty or bad about something when I visit? Lately I cannot do enough for her, nothing is ever good enough.
If you find yourself saying these things, you need to get some support because you are probably reacting to her behavior. In similar we do the same thing with our teenagers. One day they are these cut wonderful kids and then somehow that normal day turns into a nightmare of odd behavior, unusual interests and talk and we now have a new normal day with the teenagers. Adjusting to the new normal is not easy and as caregivers we have to look at ourselves. Not that we are doing something wrong or bad to feel guilty about but rather, am I reacting to what my elderly loved is doing or sayiing? What history does that behavior hold for me? If she did that to me as a kid am I reacting as I did then?
If these reactions are occurring then you might be co-dependent with your elderly loved one. This means you have trouble identifying where you stop and the elderly person starts. You have lost boundaries. The ability to act on situations than react and the ability to know that it is okay to say no and that you don’t have to feel guilty about that. Comfort Keepers provides resources for caregivers feeling guilty and overwhelmed.

Long distance caregiving, the struggles, worries and concerns for your elderly loved one

Any caregiver that is more than an hour from their elderly loved one could be considered a long distance caregiver.
The term long distance was applied many years ago to our phone system and was used for calls that were considered out of the area. It also implied that if you were making a long distance call, you could not quickly get to the person you were calling. Nowadays, a long distance caregiver is in the same situation, the caregiver cannot quickly get to the elderly person they are helping.
This makes for much stress and often worry in regards to the health and safety of the elderly loved one. Not being able to jump in the car to go and check on mom or being able to swing by on a regular basis can result in increase worry over eating habits, sleeping increase or decrease, memory impairment progression and other physical illnesses such as diabetes, high blood pressure or heart problems.
Long distance caregivers need to find someone close to the person such as family member, neighbor or even paid caregiver to go in and visit with the elderly loved one. During this visit, the person should take note of whether the person is eating, by looking casually around the kitchen, clues such as food decreasing in the refrig and cabinets probably means they are cooking it, containers in the trash show they ate something, the dirty dishes in sink may also clue you in if there is movement in the kitchen.
Keeping on an eye on such things as body odor, house odor - is there a smell of urine?, changing clothes, is laundry filling up? and other clues will help to know if the person is bathing or not. The visitor can be very casual when looking around taking notes in his or head about what they see and then reporting it back to you.
If your loved one has pills in bottle, the pills should be decreasing. One time I went to see a client who lived alone and said she was taking her pills as prescribed. I asked if I could see the name of the medication, she said sure. When I picked up the full bottle it was dated a month ago and the pills were to be taken 3 times a day. Clearly she had not taken any of them or was taking sporadically. Pill boxes can cause problems too as people with memory impairment can take the wrong days of the week, forget to take pills or mix things together.
If you have a person who is willing to check in on your loved one, ask him or her to look for signs for eating, sleeping, changing clothes, medications and even driving issues. Ask them to call you with concerns so that you can be aware of changes that are taking place. This will enable you to know that you need to pay a visit sooner than you thought or more frequently. To read more articles like this, Comfort Keepers provides various resources for caregivers.

Are you caregiver who feels guilty alot, if so, you are not alone

Do you have an elderly mother who calls you and says can you come over and do X? and when you say, I can’t today, I have plans, she then says something that makes you feel really guilty for saying no? If so, then know you are not alone. This is a common experience among caregivers.
One reason it happens is caregivers sometimes lose boundaries with the person they are taking care of. Over time, the caregiver loses sight of where he or she stops and the elderly person begins so the relationship becomes one of dependency. The elderly person becomes dependent on the adult children and that is when the co-dependency starts. Caregivers constantly falling in the co-dependency trap of trying to meet all the persons needs and requests while giving up your own family’s needs to take care of the elderly person. One way to know if you are co-dependent with your loved one is: is the caregiving interfering with my own family life? Am I missing my husband’s birthday dinner to take mom to doctor?, Am I arguing with him more over mom and taking care of her? Are my children becoming more distant and resentful towards their grandmother?
Co-dependency can happen very easily and your elderly loved may never be satisfied so no matter how much you do or how often and it never seems to be enough. And that one moment when you can’t go over and help, the elderly person then takes the tactic of trying to make you feel guilty. If you feel guilty, you may be in a co-dependent relationship.
Like co-dependency in an addictive or abusive relationship, caregivers often become angry and resentful with their elderly loved one but not able to express it. Whenever the caregiver tries to speak up, the elderly person acts as if he or she did nothing wrong in asking for your help, acts irrationally and may even through more guilty on you by making statements such as well I was there for you when your husband lost his job 20 years ago!
If you find that you are in a co-dependent relationship with your elderly loved one, you need support. Make sure you talk to friends who have elderly parents as they will probably validate your experience and give you suggestions on how to handle it the next time it comes up. Co-dependency is a very unhealthy way to live and can cause you stress, physical and emotional problems.

Seniors who won't change their clothes, elderly who wear clothes several days in row

Do you have a senior that won’t change his or her clothes? If so, you are not alone. Normally these behaviors occur in people who start to have memory impairment or some nutritional deficiencies that are affecting the brain the the thinking.
For example, people who have memory impairment begin to lose track of time and are not able to identify when a day begins and when it ends. Consequently the person tends to stay in the same clothes as there is no break in the day. Others are able to identify it is night and change into bed clothes but then when they arise they go right back into the same clothes they had on for last three days. Caregivers become frustrated saying, mom has 20 outfits right in her closet but she won’t put them on, she wants to wear the same thing all the time.
If you have a person with memory impairment, 20 choices is too much and overwhelms them. They get frustrated trying to pick out which top goes with what pants, colors are difficult to see if they have vision problem and the complexities of having to put something together is unmanageable to them. People with memory impairments often need cueing which is when you tell them, put your arm in this hole, then bring the shirt around your back and then your other arm in this hole. You have to direct them how to do it. These are simple steps to a person with well brain but for someone suffering with memory impairment and even the disease of dementia, it is an overwhelming task. When confronted with an overwhelming task, all humans either just don’t do it or they try to do what is most comfortable, i.e. wear the same thing.
One thing you could do is cut down on choices. Give your loved one maybe 3 choices a week or 2 depending on their memory impairment and if they live alone. Giving limited choice often helps them and saying, mom this is your outfit for tomorrow we are going to doctor can help. Put a note on the garment and hang in on the door they always look at like the bathroom or closet. Take it out of the mix of several outfits and set it by itself. If you have a caregiver who comes in or its you, have that person take the outfit out of the closet and say this is so pretty, I bet you would look handsome in it, how about if we sponge bath or shower and change into this outfit?
Dealing with changing clothes is a tricky business. Be careful about making up stories or lying to your loved one because if he or she is having a lucid moment and catches you in the lie, it can backfire on you. Be upfront and just tell you loved one that clothes can only be worn for two days and if they are in agreement keep track via a calendar and say it’s so I know when the wash needs to be done. My schedule is busy and keeping track of your laundry will help me to know when I need to stay a little longer for washer to run. Be creative and think of ways to get them to change clothes. Life is an art not a science. There is no easy fix for this refusing to change clothes behavior.

Stay in your home with help, assistance and live life at home

Lubbock resident Catherine Baldwin Benge has experienced the benefits of Comfort Keepers two ways - first as a family member of a client, then as a client herself.
Catherine first worked with Comfort Keepers in 2005 when she turned to the company to supplement her mother's care. Catherine's mother, Pearl Cox, was a resident at Grand Court and enjoyed visits from Comfort Keepers' caregivers for about a year or so before she passed away.
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"Comfort Keepers always did well with her, so I called them when I was looking ahead for assistance with my needs," Catherine says. "I felt like they were easy to communicate with and the people they sent were always efficient. They have a way about them which makes adjusting to care easier."
Catherine, who was a teacher for 21 years, was diagnosed with ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), commonly referred to as Lou Gehrig's Disease, about two and a half years ago. Until a few months ago, she managed quite well on her own, but last autumn her symptoms progressed to the point where extra assistance with daily tasks was necessary. That's when Catherine again turned to Comfort Keepers, this time for her own care.
Today Catherine is visited by a Comfort Keepers' caregiver four times a week for two hours in the morning. In addition to cooking breakfast, changing linens and helping with laundry, the caregiver assists Catherine with bathing, curling her hair, and getting dressed. Catherine says they will soon be adding stretching exercises to the morning routine.
"They are easy to deal with," says Catherine, who is particularly complimentary of her caregiver Cindy. "Anything I want to do, she's able to do."
Catherine says she especially appreciates the flexibility of Comfort Keepers' services. For example, Cindy will arrive very early in the morning to help Catherine get ready for an early morning flight out of Lubbock. On Sunday mornings, Cindy comes early so Catherine is ready for church on time.
Comfort Keepers, located at 8207 Hudson Ave. in Lubbock, provides an array of in-home, non-medical care services that includes companionship, meal preparation, personal care, incidental transportation, light housekeeping, grocery shopping, and more. As with Catherine, many clients simply require assistance with the activities of daily living. Comfort Keepers can help where needed so clients maintain their independence in the comfort of their own homes. Comfort Keepers provides services in the home, assisted living facility, hospital or retirement community.
For Catherine, who lives with her husband, Charles, and son, Tim Baldwin, Comfort Keepers is an excellent supplement to the medical care she receives, as well as a help to her family. The extra level of non-medical assistance Comfort Keepers can provide ensures that all Catherine's needs are met, and that in turn allows her to remain at home.
"My goal is to stay at home, and choosing Comfort Keepers allows me to stay here where I'm comfortable," says Catherine. "They're very dependable and trustworthy, and they've adapted as my needs wonderfully."
For additional information about Comfort Keepers, visit http://www.comfortkeepers.com/ To see the complete article on this story, click here:http://www.lubbockonline.com/stories/020209/bus_383901810.shtml

Want to celebrate that special 90th birthday for an elderly loved one? Tips for planning events and parties for seniors.

If you are looking to host an event for an elderly person there are certain things you need to keep in mind. First you should look at the needs of the person you are having the event for. If the person has some impairments such as vision or hearing you need to tailor the event to that person’s ability. So say for example you want to have party for your 85 year old aunt who is visually impaired, showing pictures in their regular size may not work. You might need to increase the size of the item, the details of the item need to be pointed out to the person as small things in pictures such as your grandfather’s hat may be difficult for the person to find.
If you have a hearing impaired person, too many sounds at once is difficult for the person to decipher who is talking, what is being said over the other sounds in the room and your guests need to be told to speak slower and take their time.
If you have a person or person attending the event you need to look a the location of the event. If you plan on having a party at a local hall or restaurant and you are inviting the person’s friends or other relatives who are elderly, please remember that they might not be able to climb steps or walk far distance. Granted many places today have handicap entrances but you need to look at distance from parking lot to the party itself. Elderly individuals can tire easily if they need to walk a far distance. You might have someone on guest list who requires the use of oxygen or some special medical equipment, again location, parking and distance are important to keep in mind.
Activities should be simple, not complicated or lengthy. Elderly people really do not want to sit through an hour of opening presents. It can be overwhelming for them and tiring. If you want to have an activity put the emphasis on something that you do rather than what the elderly person has to do. For example, tell the guests that instead of presents they can make a donation to the person’s charity of choice or charity of their choice and then just write in a card we made donation to x charity. The elderly love greeting cards and old fashion types of communication. Later after the party, you can have 2 or 3 visits with the person reading all the cards to him or her.
Try not to put to much stress on the elderly person. Sometimes we get caught up in the I want this to be the most special party for him or her and we end up rummaging through their pictures or attic and it can cause the elderly person much stress. Elderly people do not like their things moved and some of that is a result of their eyesight being poor. They are fearful they may not find it again. There can also be much suspicion that you took a picture they were saving to a certain family member they wanted to give it to and that can cause arguments and alot of unnecessary stress.
The bottom line is before you plan a party for elderly person, put yourself in his or her shoes. What is their daily life like? If it is slow, quiet and routine then you need to keep the party a similar slow, quiet and routine. I am not saying be dull, have no music and go at a snail’s pace. What I am saying is planning a party for an elderly person is much different than planning for yourself. YOu need to know who you are planning for and what they can tolerate not what you want. Tolerate is the key. If you want your elderly person to have a nice time then what can she or he tolerate? If she can only stand for few minutes than we don’t want someone to do a special dance with her. If he can only communicate a few words (impaired from a stroke) than everyone trying to ask the person questions, how do you like the party is not going to work. Planning is a part of interactive caregiving. When a Comfort Keeper engages in interactive caregiving, he or she is taking the time to get the client, what the client's capabilities are and then when a Comfort Keepers performs an action with the client, the Comfort Keepers knows what the client can tolerate or what the client can do in the interaction. For example, folding laundry is an activity that many older ladies like to do. At Comfort Keepers, we provide that service to our clients but before we are active, we learn about our client (inter -personal) and then when it comes time to be active, we can be interactive when we provide assistance (caregiving) to the person. Learning about the client allows the Comfort Keeper to know that the person is capable of folding 2 or 3 towels and the person loves to fold them. We can then have the client participate in that activity thus fulfilling the mission of being and interactive caregiver.

To learn more about Interactive Caregiving and how it works, contact your local Comfort Keepers. http://www.comfortkeepers.com/

Comfort Keepers featured in Newsweek's Showcase this week

Article that appeared in Newsweek..

http://www.newsweekshowcase.com/franchises/comfort-keepers.php

Comfort Keepers Franchise

Comfort Keepers Senior Care Franchise Information:
Success through CaringAsk any Comfort Keepers franchise owner and they will tell you it is one of the most rewarding ways they have ever earned a living. Today, there are 36 million aging adults in America. By 2030, the number will exceed 70 million creating a rapidly growing industry offering tremendous opportunity.
Why Comfort Keepers?
We are ranked as one of the Top 3 Franchise Systems in Senior Care by Entrepreneur magazine and have become one of the fastest-growing new franchises in America, as recognized by INC., Wall Street Journal, Successful Franchises, Entrepreneur, HGTV, and over 100 major newspapers.
There are personally rewarding opportunities and financially rewarding opportunities, but it is not every day you can be in a business that is both!
Our client satisfaction ratings surpass 95 percent. We continually survey the quality of our services-No other company can match our client satisfaction levels.
In 2006 Comfort Keepers was recognized as a Top 50 Franchisor by Franchise Business Review, based on a survey of franchise owners.
Non-Medical In-Home Care Facts
Seniors spend approximately $5,600 per month for care in a private room in a nursing home. MetLife Mature Market Institute 2003
Estimated annual expenditures on home care exceeded $41 billion in 2001. National Association of Home Care
By 2005, 37% of all U.S. Workers will face more concern in caring for a parent than caring for a child. Aragon Consulting
More than 12 million Americans require some long-term care. As many as 6 out of every 10 Americans have family members or friends requiring long-term care services. 8 out of every 10 would prefer to have care provided at their family member's home. U.S. General Accounting Office
Seniors prefer to remain in the privacy and comfort of their own home versus moving to a nursing home or assisted living center. Ask Any Senior
Franchise Facts
Total Investment: $32,500 Franchise Fee. The Franchise fee, total start-up costs and working capital requirements may bring your total investment to approximately $56,500 - $88,800.
Exclusive Territory: Exclusive and Protected Territories of 175,000. Together we design a territory based on general population, senior populations over 65, and average household income demographics.
Affordable Royalty: A declining royalty structure rewards franchisees for business growth. Royalties go down from 5% to as low as 3%.
Scheduling Software: New Comfort Keepers franchises include the first-year use of proprietary software for invoicing, scheduling and telephonic tracking of services.
Multiple Services: We offer Homemaking and Companionship services along with the opportunity for Personal Care services. (Note: Provision of Personal Care services may require state licensing or accreditation, but we help you explore the added service opportunity and state requirements.)
Field Support: We offer a team of Franchise Business Consultants who work in the field and provide operational support and guidance.
Training Programs: Intensive 8-Day Training for new owners and GMs and on-going offerings available.
For USA Call Toll-Free (800) 387-2415For International Call (+1) 937-665-1322or mailto:admin@comfortkeepers.com?subject=Inquiry or go to website for more information: http://www.comfortkeepers.com/